Bleach: Games and Tales
by Shori to Tsumi
Summary: Crack!fic. Rules are subject to change. Humorous stories about the Bleach characters. I'll write based on what you suggest I write via a review.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi! I've read some hilarious and popular fanfictions like Truth or Dare, Bleach Auctions, etc. I want to do one myself! But…this isn't the same as the others (I think). Each chapter's theme is chosen by anyone who reviews. You can choose Truth or Dare, Auctions, pairings (nothing inappropriate though, and that includes 7 Minutes in Heaven, unfortunately) among other things! This chapter, I'm going to start by explaining the rules and what not. By the way, these rules are subject to change and addition. Favorite, follow, but most importantly…REVIEW!**

"Hi! I'm Kaidi Silver and since I'm writing/hosting this thing, I'm going to explain everything you need to know."

I will not write anything with sexual or near sexual content.

I will not write OOC characters, and will only write canon characters. That means that any characters in the filler arcs will not show up, although this rule is subject to change. I may want to add the zanpakuto spirits.

I'm going to write YOUR ideas as best as I can and when I do, I will mention you in an author's note; this is your idea, not mine.

I will not write yaoi or yuri. I'm sorry to all fans out there, but I don't know how, and I've never read a yaoi or yuri fanfic before.

You guys can give me ideas for a Truth or Dare game, auction, hide and seek-whatever, as long as it's not going to last more than one chapter and have a major plot. I will write humor, hurt/comfort, and other genres. I will not write things that take place when the characters are adults. I will accept EVERY character from the manga-but if you want me to write Sternritter, keep in mind that I only just read book 62 and am a _little bit _behind. But if I really like the idea, I'll research the character/s and write it. By the way, if anyone wants me to write Charlotte Chuhlhourne being himself, I will.

I will take suggestions from the same person more than once.

I appreciate constructive criticism; I want to write better as well as write these type of stories better too.

THIS IS FOR PEOPLE WHO READ MY ANOMALY FANFICTIONS: I will continue to write Anomaly and Anomaly: Kairi's Past. This fanfic will not get in my way with it (hopefully).

REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW!

** FUN FACT: TODAY IS MY OC KAIRI AND MY FATHER'S BIRTHDAY! WE HAD BOSTON CREAM CAKE!**


	2. Chapter 2: The Fortune Teller

**Hi! Sorry I haven't updated in a long time...there was schoolwork and I recently got interested in Attack on Titan. But mostly schoolwork.**

**This is going to be short and will include my OCs, Kairi Romanique and Ace Vormov. I'll make future chapters longer. **

**Hope you enjoy!**

Ms. Ochi tapped her meter stick on the board to get the attention of the class. Looking up from my math textbook, I quickly glanced at the clock. Since we had finished class early, Ms. Ochi had let us start our homework. We had five minutes until the bell rang for dismissal.

"Listen up! You have a week to complete the writing assignment I just decided to assign to you all. The goal of the assignment is not only to prove your writing skills, but to encourage bonding between you all."

Keigo raised his hand.

"Yes?"

He lowered his hand and said, "What exactly are we supposed to write about?"

"I was getting to that." She glanced at the clock. "You will be writing about a meaningful moment in your life. It doesn't have to be something like you helped your grandma bake cookies-heck! It can even be about something illegal you did during summer vacation! Just make it good and interesting and you'll pass! The student with the best essay gets a prize!"

Just then the bell rang, and everyone quickly rushed out of the classroom. Spotting a familiar bright orange head, I quickly pushed through the throng of students and began walking beside Ichigo.

"What're going to write about?" I asked him.

Shrugging, he said, "Don't know yet."

I smirked.

Glancing down at me, he said, "Why? What're you going to write about?"

"It's a secret."

He scowled. "You're going to present it to the class in a week, so why does it matter?"

"You'll see," I said, my smirk growing.

Not too long later, I was laying on my belly on my bed, contemplating whether or not I should write what I had originally planned to write….

I decided that I would.

**Ichigo's POV**

Opening the door to my house, I said, "I'm home!"

Stepping to the side, I dodged a jumping side kick from Goat Face.

Ignoring whatever he was rambling on about now, I walked up the stairs and to my room, dropping my bag on the floor.

Grabbing a manga I had left by my bedside, I briefly wondered what Kairi meant by saying that her story was a secret. I mean, she was going to present to the class, right? So why does it matter if I know what she planned to write?

I guess I'll have to wait.

**A Week Later-Kairi's POV**

Ichigo, Orihime, Keigo, Mizuiro, and Tatsuki were conversing about their stories when Ms. Ochi walked in.

Ms. Ochi began calling students up to present their stories. Some of the stories presented were funny, and others were just plain strange.

I was nervous-not only about standing in front of the entire class and feeling their eyes staring into my soul-but for what I wrote. It wasn't exactly the most…normal…thing to share with people.

Fifteen minutes later, it was my turn.

Clearing my throat, I began:

"This took place when I was thirteen and my friend, Ace Vormov, was sixteen…"

_I stood leaning against a tree in Washington Square Park, watching a father teach his son how to play chess when all of a sudden, my phone rang._

_ Not bothering to check caller ID, I answered the call with a "Hello?"_

_ "Kairi, can you meet me near that fortune teller's place you've been telling me about?"_

_ Sighing, I said, "Why? She's weird."_

_ "She's not weird. She just doesn't like you. Einstein and her are friendly with each other, and meet on Sundays for a game of Mahjong. He talked to her and managed to get some information out of her."_

_ "Like what?"_

_ "Remember what Einstein had said to you when you first met?"_

_ How could I forget? Those words were what made me respect Einstein._

_ "Yeah. Get to the point."_

_ "She says that she sensed the same thing from you, but…more like she sensed evil from you. You know, since she's a fortune teller."_

_ "If you're telling me all this now, do you still want me to come?"_

_ "Yeah. We're going to get her to like you, malevolent spirit or not."_

_ "Please don't refer to me as a malevolent spirit, Ace. And besides, fortune tellers are scammers."_

_ He laughed. "I'm sure you know about the Salem Witch Trials, right?"_

_ "Yes."_

_ "Well, apparently she is related to one of the women that were in those trials."_

_ "Really? Who?"  
"Don't know the name exactly…or the gender…"_

_ "You're lying, aren't you?" Before he could answer, I said, "Where are you? You said you wanted to meet, right? I'm at the park, usual place."_

_ Ten minutes later, he leaned against a tree while I stood in front of him, my back facing the chess tables. _

_ Ace crossed his arms and leaned back. "I'll ask Einstein if he knows about her heritage."_

_ He shrugged. "If he doesn't, oh well."_

_ I hummed thoughtfully. "I'm actually kind of interested in finding out about her. You don't just walk up to someone and call them a quote-un-quote 'malevolent spirit'. She's a nut."_

_ "A nut? Really?"_

_ My eyes narrowed. "Fine. Wacko. She's 'wonked up'. Happy?"_

_ He laughed. "'Wonked' isn't a word and you know it." He emphasized the word "wonked". _

_ "Where'd you hear that anyway?" He asked._

_ "You."_

_ He blinked. "I don't recall ever saying that…"_

_ "Good."_

_ "That was a terrible and completely cliché attempt at humor, wasn't it?"_

_ I muttered a "yes", then sighed. _

_ "About the fortune teller…" I said._

_ "Like I said before, I can ask Einstein about it."_

_ I nodded. "If that's all, why am I here?" _

_ "What, I can't talk to you face-to-face?"_

_ I rolled my eyes. "You called me. To meet you here. It's going to rain soon," I pointed upwards, at the heavy grey clouds, "and you could have just talked to me on the phone, or you could have texted me. Really. I don't mind. You're acting like a desperate girlfriend."_

_ He scowled and ruffled my hair. _

_ "I'll go ask Einstein." He paused, then smirked. _

_ "Should I call you? Or text? Maybe both. You'll answer right? You're going to right?" He stepped closer to me and grabbed my shoulders, shaking me a little. "If you don't, I'll scream. Don't make your girlfriend scream."_

_ I smirked. "Oh? I thought you were a guy. Oh well." With a shrug, I said, "Never mattered to me anyway. Your gender, I mean."_

_ He smacked the back of my head. "Well, I'm a girl, apparently. A beautiful one, at that!"_

_ I cringed, squeezing my eyes shut to rid the image of a female Ace in my mind. "Each and every time you disturb me, I just have to keep telling myself it makes me stronger."_

_ He laughed and stepped back. "I'll go ask him now."_

_ "Can't you just call him?"_

_ "He doesn't believe in cellphones."_

_ Nodding slowly, I said, "I'll just go now…"_

_ A few hours later, it was evening, and rain was steading falling. I lay on my bed reading a book when my phone vibrated, screen lighting up with a text message._

_ It said: Apparently the fortune teller is related to a woman named Alice Martin. Fortune teller is the first-born daughter of her family. Apparently, in her family, the daughters are always first-born. Strange, right?  
_

_ I texted back: Yeah. Anything else?_

_ After a minute, he texted back. Nope. Not that I know. We can find out more tomorrow._

_ I sighed and texted: There's school tomorrow. _

_ You're at the top of your class. And you take 11__th__ grade courses. And in your free time, you study cosmology. And you don't try your hardest in school. And you blatantly refuse to listen to authority. That's your best excuse?_

_ I texted: At lunch and/or after school. Your call. _

_ Both._

_ I shut my phone off and set it down on the bedside counter…the only furniture in my room aside from my bed. _

_ The next day, Ace and I met near the entrance of an alleyway near our school. It was lunch, and we had half an hour to do what Ace had planned. _

_ Leaning against the wall of a building, I said, "So, what do you suppose we do? Break into her house? Her fortune teller lair?"_

_ "Yep."_

_ I coughed. "What?"_

_ "Yep."_

_ "I can totally understand how you got your reputation," I muttered._

_ He shook his head. "We're going to go to her shop. I go in first, talk her up, then you will sneak inside. There's a curtain that covers the entryway to her apartment. You'll go through there and look around. I'll text you if anything happens."_

_ "That's the best plan you have?"_

_ "It's subject to change based on the circumstances, of course. It should be fine."_

_ So we jogged to her street. He lifted his hand to tell me to stop, then waved it down. I stopped beside a public mailbox and crouched behind it, peaking a little to watch him as he slowed down to a walk and knocked on her door._

_ A moment later, an old lady-the fortune teller (I could tell by her eccentric attire) - opened the door with a smile, and beckoned him inside. After shaking hands with her, he ducked under the doorway, and vanished behind the closing door. Briefly, I thought to myself how funny it was how he towered over her, and most people, to be honest. _

_ And then I thought about how not funny it was how I was shorter than the gypsy woman and most girls my age. _

_ After sulking for a few minutes, my phone buzzed. It was Ace, giving me the go-ahead. I stood up, shook my slightly tired legs, then ran to the door, and slipped inside. _

_ It was cluttered with…stuff. The walls were covered in a purple with gold patterned wallpaper, a chandelier- which I didn't take to the time to wonder if it was real- hovered over a table centered in the room. Shelves with relics lined the walls, and the floor was covered with a rug. _

_ I stood still, eyeing the curtain at the far end of the room. My phone buzzed._

_ You in? _

_ I texted back: Yeah. _

_ Move curtain, open door, hallway, turn right. Left is kitchen. Am in kitchen._

_ I reached the curtain, pushed it away slightly, and opened the door. Once I was inside the hallway, I carefully shut the door, then walked down the short hallway. I turned the knob of the door on the right, and slipped inside._

_ The room was modest, with a couch, a coffee table, and a television…and…_

_ My eyes widened and I grabbed my phone._

_ ABORT! ABORT!_

_ Ace texted back: What happened?_

_ Strewn around the room were various mannequins. On the couch was the top half of a female mannequin, complete with a red wig. Various arms were strewn around the room. On top of a leg was a lamp shade. On top of a shelf was a hand and on the highest shelf, a head. _

_ I took a picture, turned around, and bolted down the hall, through the door, past the shop, dodging furniture, and out the door. _

_ I didn't stop running until I was back inside the school._

_ Ace walked me home that night._

"I'm done."

No one moved or spoke. It was completely silent.

I stood stock still, staring straight at the class.

The bell rang, signifying the end of class and the start of lunch. Slowly, people started to move out of their seats, and shuffled out of the classroom.

"Did that really happen?" Ms. Ochi asked.

I nodded. "If that sounds strange, you should've seen it."

A while later, I, Ichigo, Orihime, Chad, Uryu, Tatsuki, Keigo, and Mizuiro sat in a circle on the roof of the school, eating our lunch.

Ichigo eyed me curiously. "That actually happened to you?"

"Yeah," I said, sipping a box of grape juice.

"Did you ever find out why the fortune teller kept all those mannequins parts?"

I sipped again.

"Yeah."

**This is my first attempt at humor in a long time. I hope you enjoyed. I would love to hear your thoughts, so please review!**

** Thanks so much.**


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